Nov 29

Carpet Jokes and other rug and tapestry humor.

Tapestry humor requires a post of its own: Bayeux Tapestry Humor and Internet Memes

Carpet Jokes: Dog looking for a card that says sorry I crapped on your carpet

How’s about a bit of rugs, carpets and tapestry humor? There is a lot more carpet jokes and rug humor out there on the Internet than I would ever have imagined. Oh, I’d heard a few carpet jokes myself over the years. Even came up with one after watching the guys in a oil-change outfit working in a pit under my car. Yup, they were working in a CARPIT! Ha! Ha! I knock myself out! Yes, yes I know, puns are the lowest form of wit. Well then how about this pun from Kappit.Com:

Q: What kind of pet just lays around the house?
A: A car-pet!

Or this old favorite from anonymous. Apparently I’m not the only one out here with a “low” wit content.

Q: What did the rug say to the floor?
A: Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered!

And here are a few more jokes from Kappit.Com. To tell the truth I don’t even understand this first one. I just put it here in hopes that the younger crowd might appreciate it…

Q: Why Did Britney Spears shave her head?
A: She wanted the drapes to match the carpet.

Q: What is yellow, brown and hairy?
A: Cheese on toast dropped on the carpet.

On the rug?

Q: How do you know when a dog has been naughty?
A: It leaves a little poodle on the carpet.

Q: What kind of carpeting do dance studios have?
A: Waltz to Waltz!

A: Who races on carpets?

B: A Carpet Runner!

This last one is my favorite in the carpet puns department!

Q: Why did the moth nibble a hole in the carpet?
A: He wanted to see the floor show.

Nor are puns the only form of carpet humor–not by a long shot! There are some carpet stories out there too…
A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize that he had lost his cigarettes. In the middle the room, under the carpet, was a bump. “No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack smokes,” he said to himself. He proceeded to take his hammer and flatten the hump. As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. “Here,” she said, handing him his pack of cigarettes. “I found them in the hallway.” “Now,” she said, “if only I could find my sweet little hamster.”

We bought an expensive Persian Carpet for our dining room floor. Then we invited a friend over for supper to show it off. He was impressed when he saw it and asked if he should take off his shoes and socks…I said no, we have knives, forks and spoons.
source: anonymous

Carpet Cleaner     from
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
“Good morning,” said the young man. “If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.”
“Get lost!” said the old lady. “I haven’t got any money” and she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.
“Don’t be too hasty!” he said. “Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.” And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure all over her hallway carpet.
“If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this mess from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.
“Well,” she said, “I hope you’ve got a good appetite, because the electricity was cut off this morning.”

here is another Persian carpet joke we found at

A very attractive, well dressed, woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugs. She looks around and finds the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it.

As she bends over to feel the texture of the rug, she farts loudly. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a salesperson doesn’t pop up right now.

As she turns back, there, standing next to her, is a salesman. “Good day Miss, how may we help you today?”

Very uncomfortably she asks, “Sir, how much does this rug costs?”

He answers, “Lady, if you farted just touching it, you’re gonna shit your pants when you hear what the price is!”

Carpets and rugs are the subject of many cartoons; hundreds actually.  These rug cartoons often have our animal friends in them like the one that opened this post above.  The one below is my favorite.

carpet jokes: werewolf wiping butt on carpet

Tapestry humor requires a post of its own: Bayeux Tapestry Humor and Internet Memes